Mina_Harker

this is how lonely i am.

in the attempt to find someone to talk to. i end up talking to myself through blogging. and letting my emotions out to people i dont even know.

i date plenty of guys. i attend VIP parties. i go out every friday. i buy myself clothes. almost everything that used to giv me contentment, i did.

but at the end of the day, it always come to the same point where i end up thinking this miserable but undeniably true thought.

i wished you were here.

i wish i had you to date so that i wouldnt have to pretend that i enjoy their company. i wish you were here so that i wouldnt have to stop myself from crying whenever i chat with a guy that seems to be so much like you, and i realize its still you i wanna talk to. i wished you were here so that i wouldnt have to stare at couples who cuddle in the middle of the party. i wished you were here so that i wouldnt have to see movies alone. i wished you were here so that i would have someone to share my good news with. i wished you were here so that i wouldnt have to keep myself busy with boxing to let out my frustrations. i wish you were here so that i would have someone to keep frm smoking and partying every week. i wished you were here so that someone would stop me from leaving my bank account zero balance. i wished you were here so that someone would keep my spirits up whenever my boss unreasonably shouts at me. i wished you were here so that someone would help me convince myself that i am beautiful and that i dont need to buy every clothes there is to make me look pretty. i wished you were here so that i wouldnt have to go home drunk so that i could sleep without thinking of you. i wished you were here so that i wouldnt have to lie to everyone that i am happy with the way we are, when in fact, im not. i wished you were here so that i wouldnt have to blog to show everyone just how much i love you.

remember? i stopped blogging the day i fell in love with you. when i realized that i didnt have anything to rant about.

i was happy. was, being the operative word.